I have to begin by saying that although I've had a few encounters with card-carrying citizens over the past few weeks, I, personally, am not a resident of Crazytown. (Some would argue an expatriot, but I choose not to address those rumors.) Therefore, I am happy to report that my sanity remains in tact. As for the rest of me, I am a very blessed woman right now because I had an encounter with the current Mayor of Crazytown last night. A meeting which proved to be both dangerous and hilarious.
It all began with me cruising down Santa Monica in WeHo when I saw a woman jaywalking across the right hand lane of traffic. Thankfully, I was in the fast lane and began breaking, thus avoiding potential vehicular homicide charges or, at the very least, serious carnage. As I responsibly brought my car to a halt, I think I may have blown my horn - to alert her and others, so she would not be hit by any other innocent vehicles and their drivers. What happened next is nothing short of an unpleasant excursion to Crazytown.
This woman, who appeared to be superficially "normal" was a raving lunatic in short shorts & ipod earphones. She began screaming at me and then ran up to the back of my car (on the passenger side), weilding her oversized boho crappo saddle bag and proceeded to savagely beat my car! All I can say it is that I was in complete shock. Honestly, how often are moving vehicles attacked by pedestrians?
I felt relieved when she moved away from my car and crossed the other two lanes of traffic; however, my relief was short-lived. Within moments I was sitting at the traffic light ahead, when I felt someone staring at me from across the lanes of traffic. I turned to see the same crazy woman walking parrallel to my car on the sidewalk two traffic lanes away from me. She was screaming and saying God & bystanders only know what. Suddenly, without even looking to see if the lanes were clear (unfortunately they were), she ran across the street and halted outside my driver's side window. Time seemed to speed up and she didn't miss a beat as she proceeded to karate kick/stomp my driver's side window and then repeatedly kick the door panel below. The only thing I could think to do was lay on my car horn; however, I think that only enraged her more. It was very similar to being at the zoo and unwittingly roaming into the gorilla habitat.
I am very blessed that her foot did not break the glass and land in my face accompanied by broken glass. I was angry, panicked and even amused, but mostly I was completely and utterly in shock.
I must add this event put things in perspective for me. As light turned green and I hastily fled the scene of my victimization, I thought of how grateful I was to emerge virtually unscathed by the psychopath. I also thought, "Hmmm. My 2 ton automobile just got attacked by an anonymous (one can only imagine) coked-out, scrawny, white girl. If I can't see that this is confirmation that my life and experiences are excellent material for my career as an author and filmmaker, then I'm never gonna get the message."
I also believe that my personal experiences are meant to be shared in order to entertain and encourage. So, I hope you've been entertained and I also hope that whatever you may experience today - even if it's an unplanned excursion to crazytown or a visit from the Crazytown Mayor in person (like I experienced) - know that at the very least you are not a resident and only a visitor.
Once again, my life in LA has proved to be anything but pedestrian.
